Do you ever feel as if you're doing the right thing? Not always the easy thing, but the right thing? The good thing? And yet you get blamed for virtually everything that goes wrong?
I know that how I've been treating people and dealing with them has been (at least mostly) the right thing. Sure, I lose my temper sometimes. Who doesn't. But when everyone blames me for all the problems and doesn't hear the concerns that I'm expressing, doesn't hear me when I talk about the things that are bothering me...
I don't know. I think I'm a good person. I really do. Flaws? Sure. But a good person. But right now, those closest to me are doing a fuckin' good job of making me feel like the perpetual bad guy, the person who never thinks of others, the person who doesn't help or doesn't respect others. And I know -- with certainty, not just a feeling -- that their perception of the situation is completely and totally backward. I'm making all of the effort and getting neither recognition nor reciprocation, just vilification for not doing ... well, I'm not really sure.
And so I find myself not knowing what to do. I sat in my car in a random parking lot the other night and cried for a while. Didn't help.
I'm not abandoning captioning, but I'm not making it a priority either right now. If I'm on my computer with a bit of privacy, I'll post. But making the effort... I don't know.